1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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