Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
