the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
