We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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