I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
