I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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