forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
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Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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