remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
