The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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