I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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