Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
