Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
