It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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