I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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