took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
