Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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