i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my being single is dangerous.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
