WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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