Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
