My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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