I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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