Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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