I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
