Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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