So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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