I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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