First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
