I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
