i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
