Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
