Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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