Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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