Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
