please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
