Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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