know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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