I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
