the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
