my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
