my phone needs a breathalizer
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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