Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
