The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
