you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
