I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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