i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
