After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
