Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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