You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
