Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
