i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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