It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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