She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
