and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
