If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
