Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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