My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Houston, we have a squirter
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
