Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
