Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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