Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
