remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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