I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
