Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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