Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
