Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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