i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
