Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
