"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
