why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
