How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Jerry, you need to find god
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
