And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
