**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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