you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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