you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
