i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
