are you so shy because you have an std?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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