Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
